Back to School Stress: Tips for Making the Transition from Summer to School Easier
Kristan Bagley-Jones, LICSW, is the Director of the Children’s Wellness Initiative (CWI) program at Franciscan Children’s. CWI provides school-based mental health counseling, combined with outreach, education, and prevention, with a goal of making it easier for children and families to receive the social and emotional help that they need. CWI currently serves the following schools: ELC Baldwin, Jackson Mann (K-8), Thomas Edison (K-9), Sarah Greenwood (K-8) and Winship Elementary (K -5). To learn more about the CWI program, please click here or send us your questions at info@franciscanchildrens.org.
All children (and adults) experience some level of anxiety when faced with new situations, and the start of a new school year can be a trigger for that stress. There are many tried and true tips that parenting experts recommend to help make change easier for children and families. In my experience working as a clinician in Boston Public Schools, and as a parent, here are some of the tips that I have found to be helpful.
1. Familiarize yourself and your child with the physical space of the school. This is especially helpful if your child is starting school for the first time, or if they’re attending a new school. Helping them become familiar with their future surroundings can eliminate some of the anxiety surrounding the unknown.
If you can’t schedule a formal tour during the summer, try to go by the school on your own and point out the school’s surrounding area. When my daughter started at a new school we went and played on the playground, which gave her a fun visual reference on her first day!
2. Give your child as much control over their school supplies, backpack and clothes as possible. Empower your kids to choose the things that they feel comfortable with and excited about. That neon green backpack might not be your first choice, but if it helps them to feel comfortable in their own skin, it’s worth it to make their back-to-school transition less stressful and more fun!
3. Attend any and all orientations offered for parents. Schools typically offer orientations for students before the school year starts, but there are often orientation opportunities for parents as well. Use this time to meet your child’s teacher and familiarize yourself with their classroom and homework expectations. This can help empower families to feel confident in supporting both the teacher and their child for school year success – especially when your student conveniently forgets what those classroom and homework expectations are!
4. Actively support your child’s relationship with their teacher. Kids who feel connected with their teacher are more ready to learn. Help to facilitate a positive relationship between your child and their teacher by talking about the teacher in a positive manner. If you have any concerns about your child’s first few weeks of school and are worried that they haven’t yet bonded with their teacher, make sure to send a note or call the teacher to hear their observations. They will be able to provide feedback on how your child is doing in the classroom and, if needed, will likely be more than willing to put in a little extra effort to encourage your child to be more comfortable around them.
5. Actively support your child’s relationship with their peers. Positive peer relationships help all kids feel comfortable in the classroom and at recess. Asking your child what they did at school is a good way to gain insight into their day. However, we all know that sometimes getting a child to open up is easier said than done! If you find that your child isn’t enthusiastic about discussing their day during a normal conversation, try a different approach. I’ve found that playing the game “Two Truths and a Lie” about your day during dinner helped me get more information about my children’s academic and social life at school. Adults have to participate as well!
6. Prepare for a teary goodbye… for your child and for yourself! Goodbyes can be hard for both the student and the parent, and that’s OK! Reassure your child and yourself that you’re both going to have great days and that you’ll see each other later on.
On my son’s first day of Kindergarten he cried and clung to my leg, and I remember being torn between feeling both sad and relieved. Sad because I had to leave him and go to work, but also relieved that a part of this outburst was because he loved me and didn’t want me to leave! The next day, his very wise teacher bent down to his eye level and whispered to him that she had something special to show him in the classroom. His curiosity got the best of him and he promptly left my side and went off without a backwards glance!
Like all of us, some children experience more intense anxiety when going through a transition like starting a new school year. As a clinician in public schools, part of my job is to be an unbiased, helping hand for parents and children. I have worked with countless families who have struggled to walk into the building during the first few days of school. For these families, it is so important for them to know that this anxiety is normal and that school staff are trained to help them cope with the challenges associated with these transitions.
If you find that your child’s anxiety continues past the first few weeks, contact the main office of your child’s school to find out more about the resources available for your family to help you navigate the back-to-school (or any other) transition.
For more tips on making the back-to-school transition easier, check out the resources below:
Kids Health: Back to School
Aha! Parenting: Preparing Your Child for the New School Year